


Don't go, please come back

by awgoddamnitnotagain (the_sad_potato), the_sad_potato



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, suffer lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:41:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29923920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_sad_potato/pseuds/awgoddamnitnotagain, https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_sad_potato/pseuds/the_sad_potato
Summary: Levi really thought that Erwin died. He didn't believe it, he wanted to wake up from that nightmare, except there was no nightmare to begin with. Now he has to face the world alone, without the presence of his beautiful commander by his side......until Erwin comes back, more alive than ever.(I suck at summaries, alright?)
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Kudos: 40





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: This fanfiction does not follow the plotline canonically after Erwin's death.   
> Any feedback and kudos are appreciated! They really make me happy c:

Levi's frail hands were shaking. His fingers were stained with blood as he stared at his lifeless commander. He could hear the other survey corps soldiers commemorating their victory, even if a lot of lives were sacrificed that day. Hange kneeled next to the blonde's head, their thumbs gently closing his open eyelids. The new commander watched Erwin's stiff body with great sadness in their eyes, turning their head slightly to the side so they could prevent their tears from dropping. 

Levi couldn't bear the sight of Erwin, lifeless on the rooftop. He started to repent his decision to save Armin more and more, but he quickly reminded himself that he was supposed to live a life with no regrets, just like Erwin told him to. To think that they only spent four years together as a couple, and between quick blowjobs and handjobs everywhere they could do it, there was a pang of romance, it was Levi's only comfort. 

A comfort and memories that he was willing to hold on to so he could keep on living, that was Levi's goal. He couldn't believe he let Zeke get away, it was against his promise to the former commander. Levi turned around and stared at the sun, which was slowly starting to sink in the horizon. 

"We should hurry with his funeral. I don't want to carry his body all the way back to the headquarters." Levi said bitterly, keeping his voice down. He didn't want any of the naive soldiers to find out that they were going to bury Erwin properly, it was better if they thought they just tossed his body off the rooftop. 

Hange nodded in agreement as they hauled Erwin's cold body off the blood-stained roof. Levi helped them, supporting Erwin's weight with his shoulder and hand. 

"You're a heavy bastard, even when you're dead." Levi attempted to make a joke, but it didn't work quite well at comforting the pain in his mind. 

The two of them slowly carried the former commander's body to an abandoned house, where they laid him in a bed. Hange took off their cape and held it to their chest, their head down.

Levi couldn't deny the sting that he felt in his eyes, and he slowly fell down on the floor, on his knees. 

"Erwin..." he started, his voice cracking. He wanted to say so much yet nothing at all, but he didn't know if he had the strength to speak anymore.

"I love you." He continued, his shaky fingers making their way to the blonde tuft of hair that was disheveled. He ran his fingers through the dirty hair, massaging Erwin's scalp gently. 

"Please...come back to me." Levi said softly, his voice barely a whisper. He got up on his feet, leaning down so he could press a kiss on Erwin's forehead. Hange looked at him, holding out their cape to Levi. 

The raven-haired male accepted it silently, draping it over the lifeless body of his lover. "Rest well, darling." Levi said in a shaky tone, bringing his hands up to his eyes so he could wipe the tears that threatened to fall. He was only willing to display such affection with Erwin or Hange around, but Humanity's Strongest definitely had a soft, hidden side.

Hange approached the dead commander too and started speaking, but Levi didn't care anymore. His love, his everything just died and he felt emptier than ever. He waited for Hange outside the abandoned house, and once the new commander exited the building, what was left of the survey corps headed home, guilt embedded deeply in their conscience.

They reached the headquarters at night, and they were assaulted by the civilians the moment they set foot inside the walls. The survey corps did their best to ignore the painful comments and insults that were thrown their way, keeping their heads up and walking towards their base. They split up once they got there, everyone going to write reports as they did after every single expedition and mission that they took part in. 

Levi walked slowly towards his office, memories of him and Erwin already overwhelming him. He opened his door and he saw the dust that coated the furniture and floor in a thin layer, and it made him wrinkle his nose in disgust. He slammed the door shut, and he would've surely kicked it down if it wasn't sturdy. He took off his cape, he felt so filthy and disgusting. He had Erwin's blood on him, he had to wash it off as soon as possible. He took his shirt and boots off too, followed by his pants and underwear. 

He bathed in cold water shortly after, he didn't care to heat up the water anyway. The coldness of the liquid couldn't harm him anymore, nothing hurt more than the feeling of losing someone you loved. He ended up sobbing in the bathtub, not holding back. Levi was an ugly crier, everyone was, but he let all of the pressure and stress run free as he screamed. It was a pained scream, a shout of anger and sorrow. He quieted down after a couple of moments, his energy spent. 

His eyes were bloodshot from crying so much, and after the skin on his fingers wrinkled and he started shivering from the cold, he started rinsing himself. He scrubbed himself with the soap that Erwin bought in the capital for him, it was such a precious gift, and sadly, one of the few things that Erwin left behind. He was harsh with himself, rubbing all of the dirt and dried blood off his hands. He rinsed himself in the cold water, using a full bucket to clean any soap that might've been left on his skin. 

Once he was out of the bathtub, he unplugged the drain and let the water slowly slide down the pipe. Where the dirty water went, Levi never actually found out. The raven-haired male dried himself off with a towel, wiping himself until he determined his skin was dry enough. He was freezing, so cold after the agony that he called a bath.

He felt awake now, more aware than before. He still had to write the report of the mission and submit it to Hange, even if it wasn't technically required, it was a law that he couldn't break. He slowly put on underwear, then his beloved night outfit, which was made of just soft pants and a long-sleeved shirt that Erwin gifted him for his birthday. The material was high-quality, no wonder it costed a fortune probably, but it smelled clean, it smelled safe and like home. It did a perfect job at warming him up though, and once he felt well enough to write a report, he sat down at the wooden desk and uncapped his pen. 

He started writing messily on the paper, his sentences grammatically incorrect in some places and often not making sense. That reminded him of the time when Erwin taught him how to read and write...

_ "Yes, that's very good, Levi. You're very smart." Erwin praised the smaller man, his broad hands holding a document that Levi scribbled on. It looked like the handwriting of a child, but Erwin was very proud of Levi. It meant progress, and improvement was what they both wanted.  _

_ "Don't say that. I probably made a lot of mistakes and you can't even understand what I wrote there." Levi said bitterly, his cheeks heating up just a little bit. They heated up because of shame, most likely, but also because the commander just praised him. It warmed Levi up on the inside, his stomach doing flips once he saw Erwin's proud smile.  _

_ "Yes, you made a lot of mistakes. But we all learn from our mistakes, don't we?" Erwin asked softly, placing the paper down and shifting his gaze on Levi. The raven-haired male felt somehow cornered, but he didn't have a choice.  _

_ "We do. No one's perfect, I guess." Levi said sheepishly, his hands gripping at the sides of his chair.  _

_ Erwin just hummed in agreement, giving Levi a soft smile that he absolutely adored. _

The small flashback brought tears in Levi's eyes, and soon they started to spill on the report, smudging the ink and making the writing unintelligible. Levi bowed his head down, sniffling as he grabbed the paper harshly and crumpled it in his fist. The raven-haired male pushed the crumpled paper aside, resting his head on the hard, wooden surface of his table. He groaned as he felt his snot rolling down his face, and he couldn't bear it anymore. He stood up from his chair and pulled out a napkin from his coat in the wardrobe, then blew his nose in the clean cloth. 

He set it aside to wash it, then picked up his clothes and set them aside as well. They were stained and Levi was tempted to throw them in the trash or burn them rather than to wear them again. He resisted his urge though, and he made his way towards the closet instead. The door creaked as he opened it, the smell of bleach hitting his nose like a punch in his face. He didn't bother anymore, he didn't even put on his gloves or cover his nose and mouth with his cravat. He took out the bucket, the mop, the broom, some rags, bleach, and various other cleaning products. 

He started cleaning, and after a couple of hours of his throat burning from the toxic vapors and his hands itching and hurting, he finally stopped. His room was spotless, floor and desk shiny. He changed the sheets too and made his bed. Levi couldn't deny the fact that he was exhausted, but he also felt restless. He quickly realized that this would be his first night in a couple of years of sleeping without Erwin by his side. He blew the candles out and climbed into the bed, pulling the duvet up to his nose. Erwin's faint musk still lingered on the sheets, despite them being washed before they were placed on the bed. Levi's eyes teared up at that thought, but he didn't cry anymore. The pain gradually became numb, and his pounding headache slowly lulled him to sleep. 

Before he really fell asleep, Levi could've sworn that he heard Erwin saying "I love you too.", and felt a warm hand cup his cheek. It was too late to slip back into consciousness, so Levi finally slid into a dream. 


	2. Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin gets a chance to visit Levi. Who knows, it might be the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Another chapter for you guys. Any feedback and kudos are really appreciated as they keep me motivated to write more :>  
> Also, excuse any grammar or spelling errors, I tried my best to proofread it before posting it.

Erwin didn't remember much. He remembered the Beast Titan throwing rocks at him and his subordinates, he remembered the sound of the rock that pierced his white stallion's chest and his abdomen. The revolting noise of crushed ribs and the blinding agony, all came back in the blonde's memory. He opened his eyes, but how was it possible? He was dead, wasn't he? His sky blue eyes gazed at the atmosphere above him, it was daytime. The sun gleamed above his head, and he could hear birds chirping in the trees around him. Huge, old trees stretched their branches towards the sky, their green leaves fluttering as a soft breeze ruffled Erwin's hair. His hand instinctively moved to his side, and he noticed two strange things. One, his right arm was back, and two, his abdomen was not pierced anymore. 

His brows furrowed in confusion as he stared at what he was wearing. He was wearing his uniform, complete with the bolo tie and leather straps. He touched the leather straps, which were looking as if they were brand new. That was impossible, according to Erwin's thoughts, because his usual leather straps were worn out and the leather was chipped in some places. He felt light-headed and dizzy as if his head was spinning continuously. Standing up was a big challenge for the commander, as he was used to not having his right arm, but he quickly regained his balance once he was on his feet.

He was really confused, was this heaven? He read about heaven in one of the books that his father left behind, which also happened to be his favorite book that he read quite often. It was a thick book that had all sorts of religions and weird, occult practices that the blonde couldn't even think of. The whole concept mesmerized him, and the place he was currently in resembled the heaven that he has read about. Green, trimmed grass, huge trees, daytime with warm sun rays, but not hot enough to burn your skin, it was all according to the book. So he was dead, after all. 

He didn't know what to do from there. He was alone, no one seemed to be around. His first choice would've been to look for his father and tell him all of the things that he has seen when he was alive and that his theory about the existence of humans beyond the walls was true. But then his mind brought up the thought of his lover. How was Levi doing? Was he alive, healthy? Erwin was a realistic man, he was aware that Levi might relapse to his old habits. Sighing softly, he wished that he could speak to the raven-haired male one more time, or hug him.

"Welcome, commander. I didn't expect to see you so soon." an odd voice made Erwin snap out of his thoughts. It sounded like it belonged to a woman, soft and it had a flow like honey. He turned around trying to pinpoint where the voice came from, but he saw no one. "I know you have questions, and I shall answer you all of them. Please ask right away, I don't have that much time left." the voice spoke again, a hint of urgency in the last words. 

"I do have some questions. Who are you and why can't I see you? What is this place? Why don't I see anyone?"  _ Is Levi safe? _ was a question that Erwin held back. His tone was panicked because even if he read about people being happy and peaceful in heaven, this seemed more like eternal punishment than a reward. After all, according to the book, only good people made it into heaven, and Erwin was surely not a good person. 

The female chuckled, and now Erwin noticed that the voice was closer than before. He turned his head and saw a girl, no older than 18, sitting on a tree branch above the blonde. She had long, dark brown hair and fully black eyes. Erwin couldn't process that, how could one person have all of their eye black? He was confused, but the woman suddenly transformed into a dove and took off the branch. It circled Erwin above his head, flying swiftly through the air. It finally landed on the grass and turned back into a woman, who was older this time. She looked about his age now, although her facial features didn't change. She still had a youthful face, her eyes soft.

"I know all of your questions, Erwin. Even the ones you do not dare to ask, but I will answer all of them." She said as she lifted her right arm and a watch appeared out of thin air on her wrist. It read 6:50 pm, and Erwin didn't understand why was she so pressed about time. 

"So...what is this place, huh?" the woman chuckled, sitting down on the grass. She patted the grass next to her, a motion that showed Erwin that he could sit down as well. Erwin decided to ignore the sign and he remained on his feet. 

"Well...this place doesn't have a name. Such a place is shaped after one's visions and desires, so you might like forests, after all. A very nice place, to be honest. I've seen worse, even a jail once." the woman explained, crossing her knees on the grass. She was wearing a flowing white dress that covered her body like a second skin. She looked more like a ghost than a human, and Erwin was still confused and had so many questions. Before he could open his mouth to ask them again, the woman started speaking. 

"And me, I am your guardian. Call me however, as I can take any shape of any human that existed before, because I am an Erha. Erhas have the task of protecting human lives and trying their best to have their humans fulfill their goals. After humans die, we simply go to claim another one. We don't have much influence upon you humans, but it's up to us whether you'll rot away here or go back to the living world to fulfill your goals." the Erha explained as her fingers fiddled with a blade of grass. Erwin didn't understand. It took him a couple of minutes to process what the weird creature just said, but it still didn't make sense. Why was he still alone, then?

"About being alone, us Erhas do not take any random human either. We take only the most worthy people out of the human world and choose to guide them. I found you too late, claimed you too late as well. Only before you charged into your final battle I saw your potential, and although I tried to influence you, your willpower was too strong. I apologize for that, I failed you. But there is something I'd like to do so I can apologize properly." the woman continued, not even taking breaths between words. She seemed to lack any human organs because she never stopped to breathe in her speech. 

"Why am I alone, then?" Erwin asked weakly.

"Well...you simply haven't fulfilled your life goal and desires. Something is holding you back from entering the place where you can finally rest. I don't want to dig through your thoughts, so please tell me what is holding you back. If you tell me correctly, I can maybe send you back to the living world so you can fulfill your goals. After that...you will come back to this place where you can finally rest." the woman said softly, a hint of sadness in her sweet voice. 

Erwin thought for a moment, what was holding him back? A possible answer would be the basement that he wanted to visit, or maybe Levi...he remembered the moments before he lead the suicide charge and the vulnerability that his lover displayed.

_ Erwin sat on a wooden crate behind a house, Levi next to him. The two lovers shared one last peaceful moment as the soldiers panicked and wandered through the makeshift base. Levi craned his neck to look at the commander, his eyes vulnerable and soft.  _

_ "This is the last moment that we will share. It's hard and too much to comprehend, but I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me." Erwin spoke softly, his left hand covering Levi's. Their fingers intertwined as they held onto each other, the silence heavy between them. _

_ "Promise me something." the blonde finally spoke, his voice unusually calm despite the situation. _

_ "What is it?" Levi asked, his voice tired and slightly shaky. _

_ "That you won't regret this." Erwin answered, giving Levi's hand a soft squeeze. _

_ "Regret what now?" Levi asked, confused. _

_ "Us. Don't regret all of this happening between us. We are both soldiers, we knew what was waiting for us, and we accepted and embraced our fate like it was a part of us...because it is. Levi, thank you for everything. Thank you for staying by my side, thank you for giving me comfort when all of my sins overwhelmed me, thank you for always trusting me and following my judgment." Erwin turned his head to face the smaller man, their eyes locking.  _

_ "I won't regret this...I promise. Thank you for saving me from myself. I am not even half the poet that you are, but thank you for everything. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be an illiterate fool." Levi thanked the other man, a slight chuckle following his words.  _

_ "Well, you'd be my fool then, and we can both be two fools." Erwin said in an amused tone, his eyes gleaming with unshed tears.  _

Erwin interrupted the train of thoughts before he started sobbing. He had to appear strong, he knew that displaying weakness in front of anyone was bad. He never knew who the enemy was.  "I see...thank you for sharing that with me. I think I can finally grasp at what your reasons are." the woman spoke, checking her watch again.

"Ah, 7 pm. I am afraid I must go now. Our time is up, and I am on soul cleaning duty." The creature excused herself and sat up, ready to take off into another world.

"Wait!" Erwin suddenly said, stretching his hand towards the woman. The Erha stopped moving, lifting a brow curiously at the other man.

"What is it? Look, I can't be late. Whatever it is, save it for later. I will be back tomorrow at around the same hour." The creature explained, an annoyed look on her face.

"Can I please visit Levi? Just a minute, I promise." Erwin asked, his tone pleading and his eyes filled with emotion.

The Erha sighed and brought a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose.

"Fine. One single minute. Sixty seconds. He is about to fall asleep anyway. Time works differently here and there. So it is about 2 am for Levi now." the woman said, aware that she will get scolded if she didn't fulfill her job. "Hang on to me." the woman finally said, stretching out her hand for Erwin to hold. The blonde took the hand reluctantly and held onto it, prepared for the worst. "Close your eyes. You open them without me telling you to do it, and I will send you back here to rot forever." the woman instructed the blonde, who obeyed and closed his eyes.

There was a weird, high-pitched sound that left Erwin's ears ringing, but he couldn't see anything anyway. Suddenly, the smell of bleach made him almost gag, but he refrained from showing such impolite behavior. "Open your eyes now. You have sixty seconds to do whatever you want to do." The Erha said in a bored tone, her eyes scanning the room. 

Erwin jogged next to Levi, whose eyebrows were furrowed. The blonde touched Levi's cheek, wiping away the tear tracks that were left behind after Levi cried. It broke Erwin's heart to see his lover like that, but he didn't have many choices anyway. 

"I love you too." Erwin said as the woman clicked her tongue. His sixty seconds were up. Afraid of what was going to happen, he closed his eyes, but the woman simply touched his shoulder. The commander was confused, but the world started spinning. He fainted, his body laid down on the grass, back where he woke up not even half an hour ago.


End file.
